Tuesday, January 22, 2008
LIFE=Lies and Illusions For Enteral
Feelings, what the god damn hell are they? Happy, is it a feeling, or just a mere 5-letter word, H-A-P-P-Y? do i even have any fucking F-E-E-L-I-N-G? i thot i was happy these few days. it doesn't matter very much if my bball ain't good, or i'm not improving. it doesn't matter if i feed in dota...because, to me all these does not really matter, at least not to me. i know it matters to all my buds ard me and out there. nobody likes to lose.
no doubt, we all say that, in these Lies and Illusions, we win some, we lose some. i can't say that i have my fair share of winnings, but neither do i deny that i've never won before. we just have to give and take. like money, while you earn a certain amount, someone else loses it. when ou win, someone else loses it...there can never be a win-win knd of competition. perhaps, love is the only game where the win-win situation can come in, or otherwise, its a win-lose, or lose-lose situation.
win-win is when both is happy. win-lose, is when someone and only either is happy. and lose-lose, it goes without saying...both not happy. m situaton..it looks like a win-win sit.but it could be a lose-lose sit. as it it is now, it is a lose-lose sit. no matter wht i do, how i change, its just not what she wants. so finally, choice down to only a win-lose situation. should i or should i not?
i've changed more than i thot i would. but i like it. to see her happy...yet then, she is never ever happy with me. who knows? i'm just so alone. i feel so alone. dunno if there is such things as feelings. cong once told me that i'm just too totally numbed, whateveri'm demanded of, i give...isn't this love? giving unconditionally? giving as long as she is happy? but, no matter how i give, she is never happy.
be yourself. Flowerpodders told me, to be myself. like do i even have a "self" to be? i dun care anymore. This love, life shit is fucking pissing screwing with me. The Night of the Living Undead shall be Unleashed. Show no mercy. Benevolence to the enemy is self crulity.
A fool in love. Quitters are losers, when you lose your captial, you are a loser. Whats worse is when you not only lose your captial, you lost yourself, and still in debt, it makes you a bigger loser, or otherwise known as worse than loser. Pathetic inferior scumbag loser. Onemust knw when to quit, and i have learnt to do so. I give up and quit from this game of Enternal Lies and Illusions, known as LIFE.
I am who I am
I do what I deem fit.
My life,
My say.
If I want to die,
I simply die.
If I have to,
I will kill.
This is MY life,
what I do to it is none of any of your concern.
If you dun like the way I handle my life,
then too bad!
Its MY life,
NOT YOURS,
don't like it?
Then......
For FUCKING'S SAKE,
_l_(.^^)_l_ [ FUCKING FUCKERS, FUCK OFF! ] _l_(^^,)_l_
