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Saturday, March 11, 2006
I REALLY DUN WANN I REALLY DUN WANN I REALLY REALLY DUN WANN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!! PLEASE I REALLY REALLY NEED HELP...I REALLY DUN WANN..PLEASE I AM BEGGING...I'M ON MY KNEES..I'M NOT ME ANYMORE...I'M REALLY DUN WANN I REALLY DUN WANN...PLEASE..TELL ME...EUU DUN MEAN IT...ITS COZ YOUR MOTHER WANTED EUU TO...PLEASE...PLEASE TELL ME ITS NOT TRUE..PLEASE TELL ME ITS YOUR MOTHER...PLEASE...PLEASE....PLEASE...I REALLY DUN WANN...THIS TIME I CRIED REALLY BAD!!! I NEED SOME ONE!!! I REALLY DO!!!I REALLLY NEED TO TALK..I'M WORRIED ABT EUU...HOW ARE EUU?..DID EUU REALLY WAN ME TO STOP EVERYTHING..ARE YOUR OKAY? ARE EUU SAD? DID EUU CRY? I JUST KNW DAT I WILL WAIT AND STILL LOVE EUU...I HV NO MORE WILL TO CONTINUE SO I SHALL JUST END HERE..........................................................................................................................but i still can't get over it..i can nv get over it..i knw that! i knw that i would nt be able to love any other...i knw that i love euu..i knw that there are some things dat are going to be different.....but all i can do nw is to complain and cry..tell me wadd to do..tell me wadd i'm suppose to do...tell me where to go...i hv gonne more than crazy...i'm lost...i dunno if euu mean wad euu said..i dunno if euu really wanted to say it or not...but please tell me the whole truth i hv nothing left...NOTHING!!! really nth! please...i hv no more tears to cry anymore its the truth the the whole plain truth i really dun hv anything left...euu came into moi life and hv became moi everything, and when euu said to ask me to stop coz euu wan to study, i dunno...i lost everything, everything went blank i hv no more life in me now, i guess this is the selfish side of human nature its not your fault, like i said its not like its wrong nt to like me...and euu can't go against your mother, afterall without her, then there wouldn't be euu...i dunno..i really dunno...but at least please tell me the truth...the truth...tell me if euu really meant wad euu said or just because your mother made euu said it...i dunno...i really dunno...i dunno...i seriously dunno...i'm sorry...for making euu sadd and angry, sorry for nt being able to make euu happy...how are euu? at least 5 hours has passed since i last heard frm euu are euu okay? did euu mean it? did euu cry? will euu ever rmb me? will euu forget me? who am i? will i ever get to hear euu say " i love euu" to me? will there be another chance for me to love euu..? coz i knw if given another chance to choose, i will still choose to love euu...no matter how painful it is...not matter how much i must suffer...no matter if i must miss euu everyday...but why..but why..BUT WHYYYYYYYY!!! did your mother hv to break the two of us up...did i ever harrass euu? did i ever did anything really wrong? did i ever did something against the law? there are so many couples out there! but god! why choose us? whyy do we hv to break up? i knw dat we aren't really stead...but i really love Stephanie...whyy can't euu be more merciful whyy?!?!?! wad hv i done wrong? wad hv i done to deserve this? wad hv i done to end up in this bloody fucking piece of shit? why can't i just make euu happy? why can't i just do anything right for at least once in moi life? why isit that its me to be broken up like dat, i can take it if its euu who wanted to break up, i can take it if euu like another guy..but i can't take it is why does it hv to end like dat.....its nt like the law says dat is wrong to love a person frm an all girls/boys sku...is it against the law to love a person at the age of the 15/16? if your mother do wann to bring this matter to the minstry, i dunno wad i would do..but it doesn't really matter...wad matters is i still love euu and will always do..but even up till today i still dunno if euu ever liked me or not..whyy?? is this fair?? where is justice? who is to judge if love is true or not? who is to judge wad is good or bad? who is to judge? who is the judge? there is no love judge in the world, there is no rule nor law to say that its wrong to be an item or to appear to be an item at the age of 15 and 16? and why? why? why??? whyy isit so dat we hv to end up like dat, afterall it is me who is going to marry euu and not your mummy whom i'm going to marry..but whyy??? whyy??? whyy??? did euu really mean it? did euu really mean it when euu asked me to stop? coz euu wan to study?? i dunno...the question kept repeating itself in moi mind...i wann to knw nth but the truth...did your mother scold euu??? why does she care? coz she loves euu? but wad abt your true feelings? wad about me? isit because of something i did wrong? isit because...just because i love euu??? and its wrong? isit all moi fault??? i dunno i hv so many questions perhaps left unanswered...my letters...did your mother tore them? burnt them? or did euu still keep them? moi presents??? were they all thrown and burnt or were they allowed to stay? wads so disgusting about hugging and i love yous? wad so disguesting when euu wish someone euu truely love good night? doesn't all daddies and mummies do that? kissing the children and wishing dem goodnight? wads so wrong? wads so disgusting? can't the society just open up to the changing world out there? or do we still stick to "parents choose moi better half for me" thing? why?!?! whyy does it hv to be the two of us...i'm sorry...but i really love euu...i dunno if euu can get to see this...i dunno if i can see euu in like 11 hours time i dunno...if i can..will euu feel weird? will euu feel abnormal? will euu cry? i knw i may cry...yes in front of everyone...perhaps...if i've got any tears left more for me to cryy...i need euu...coz i love euu but...when euu said to ask me to stop everything i dunno...it literally took moi everything away...i dunno...i seems to hv lost everything i ever had...moi life...crushed and doomed...i just knw that i really love euu..and when i say i will marry euu....i mean it...but who am i now? perhaps just a nothing, just a nobody...can i still love? can i still care? can i just wait? or do i hv to take the way like the others...the way where it APPEARS to slove everything but to leave some scars on the others alive? the path to death....if one day, if i can take it no more, i promise euu...somehow or another euu are going to japan, somehow or another, euu are going to be happy...euu hv suffered alot...i knw...i'm useless...i can nv seem to make euu laugh and be happy...but whyy do i love euu...i've finally got the answer...i love euuu becuase i just wann to make euu the happiest girl ever on earth, i wann euu to feel love...i just wann euu to be happy...and be happy because of me...thats why i love you...the questions i nv hv any answer to until today...11 march 2006...i will nv forget...even if we were to patch again, even if we ever to be strangers...i really miss euu...GOD..!!! THIS IS FOR EUU...F-U-C-K Y-O-U! FUCK YOU! kill me! kill me! KILLME RIGHT NOW RIGHT HERE...GOD! D-A-M-N Y-O-U! DAMN YOU, GOD! DAMN YOU! HURRY....JUST KILL ME!!!!! IN EXCHANGE PLEASE LOVE CHUAH JIE YIN, STEPHAINE MORE...KILL ME NOW! RIGHT THIS INSTANT...YES! I'M CHALLENGING YOU! KILL ME!!! I DOUBT YOU! JUST KILL ME...EUU ARE A FAKE...HURRY! KILL ME...KILL ME!!! KILL MEEEEEEEE!!! I'M ON MOI KNEES...JUST KILL ME..........KAN NI NA!!!!! JUST KILL ME...JUST KILL ME...PLEASE!!! PLEASE!!! PLEASE!!! PLEASE!!! I JUST WANN TO DIE...TAKE ME AWAY FRM THIS PLACE I WANN TO LIVE NO LONGER!!! REN SHEN DUAN DUAN SHI JIAN NIAN...I GUESS I'M NEVER WRONG...I GUESS GOD IS JUST SOME DAMN FUCKER! JUST LIKE THE SOME ADULTS...WHERE TO THEM MONEY IS EVERYTHING...WAD HAPPENED TO LOVE? LOVE IS THE EVILEST OF ALL..THE ROOTS AND SEEDS OF ALL EVILS LIES IN LOVE...............otherwise how do euu expect pple to kill their own children? coz they love their children...and do nt wann dem to suffer...how do euu expect parents throw their children into a sea of misery...? just because dey love...LOVE is JUST BULLSHIT!...! BUT I LOVE! I'M EVIL! I'M SINNED, I'M WRONG...I'M NOTHING......NOTHING!!!!!!!!!! SCUM, BULLSHIT....JUST NOTHING I GUESS...SO TO GOD: FUCK YOU NA BEI CHYEE BYE! IF EUU ARE UP THERE, IF EUU ARE SO REAL, KILL ME NOW...KILL ME NOW LARR...KILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL MEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!I CHALLENGE YOU,GOD! !I CHALLENGE YOU TO!
(maybe i shall study the hardest i can, i will be a lawyer and marry you...but please believe in me...please...please tell me dat wad euu told me dat broke moi heart was all a lie..please..please tell me euu believe dat i would one day marry euu..here i will and shall wait..only becoz i love euu...)
